‘I love my child. But if I could go back in time and get an abortion, I would 100 per cent of the time,’ says Melinda. Kelly Rissman reports on a story that exposes the hurdles women faced before the Supreme Court’s Dobbs decision in June 2022
  • SassyRamen@lemmy.world
    1131·
    20 days ago

    What a joyful life for that kid. It’s not his fault, but he’ll be hated by his mom his entire life for it.

    Edit: I am pro choice and fucking hate what our country is being turned into by the right.

    • VubDapple@lemmy.world
      722·
      20 days ago

      Not hated exactly, but there will be knowledge that they weren’t wanted. They will blame themselves as kids tend to do. Trauma ensues. What a fucking unnecessary tragedy.

      • unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de
        36·
        19 days ago

        Nah hated is entirely possible. Depends entirely on the mother and if she has the emotional and rational capacity to separate it. If her brain makes her think of her rapist every time she looks at her child, it will be impossible to love it.

        I hope she can love it but i wouldnt blame her if she cant.

        • Deceptichum@quokk.auEnglish
          664·
          19 days ago

          I’ll blame any parent that forces their trauma onto an innocent child.

          And I say this as a rape victim and a child abandoned at birth.

          • unexposedhazard@discuss.tchncs.de
            37·
            19 days ago

            The whole idea of “trauma” is that its involuntary. You dont have a rational choice, your brain makes the choice for you.

            If you have trauma of that level you either go with therapy or put your child up for adoption. Its not something you can solve with willpower.

            • Deceptichum@quokk.auEnglish
              738·
              19 days ago

              Right and if you don’t do those things, and instead take it out on an innocent child I’m going to blame the fuck out of you.

              • idiomaddict@lemmy.world
                15·
                19 days ago

                I don’t mean to be even more dystopian, but doesn’t the biological father have to consent to adoption/get first rights to adopt?

          • Passerby6497@lemmy.worldEnglish
            10·
            19 days ago

            As a parent who had a traumatic childhood, as well as partner to two raped AFABs, you don’t “force” your trauma on your children, you have to force yourself to overcome your trauma to be a better person.

            Trauma is fucking hard to deal with at the best of times when you don’t have evidence of your traumatic even sitting in front of you all day every day. I can’t comprehend the difficulty they would have to deal with everyday, but that also isn’t an excuse to not be better, and the child absolutely deserves better.

              • OneWomanCreamTeam@sh.itjust.works
                8·
                19 days ago

                Assigned Female at Birth. It’s an umbrella term that includes cisgender* women, transgender men, and non-binary people who were born with the anatomy typically associated with women.

                *Cisgender means someone who’s gender identity matches the sex they were assigned at birth.

      • DarkThoughts@fedia.io
        1·
        19 days ago

        I’m contemplating about whether parents even should tell them or not? On one hand, the kid kind of has the right to know, on the other hand they’d likely hate themselves for it. Personally I think it’s better to end pregnancies that come from rape for those reasons. Even if the parents attempt to look past it, subconsciously they will always be reminded of the rapist when they see the kid and they will act accordingly, whether they want to or not.

    • AWistfulNihilist@lemmy.world
      10·
      19 days ago

      Kid is gonna read that article. Maybe now, maybe one day. Imagine reading an article about how your mom wishes desperately with all her heart that she didn’t have you.

      She loves you despite what you are, not because of it. Fuck me.

      • fine_sandy_bottom@lemmy.federate.cc
        5·
        19 days ago

        Yeah I want to admit up top that I have no fucking idea what the right approach is here.

        I’m a new parent, but thankfully my kids aren’t old enough for me to encounter complicated questions yet.

        This might change, but right now my plan is to do my best to avoid cover stories for things. If you’re open (as much as is appropriate) and honest (in the context of the delicate situation), that might be better than trying to hide this aspect of the kids ancestry.

        As an adult I know that it’s possible to simultaneously live a child while acknowledging that an abortion would have been a better option.

        I honestly don’t know whether a child can understand that.

        The thing is, it’s not just a conversation with a child. It’s lived experience. I’m absolutely confident that my children (we have twins) will know that I love them because of my actions - the time I spend with them every day.

        I’m thankful I don’t have to navigate this. I would talk to a child psychologist or something to figure out the best way forward. I suspect that will always be communication, but an expert could help you know the best timing, things to watch out for, et cetera.

    • OccamsRazer@lemmy.world
      210·
      18 days ago

      She could have given him up for adoption, and had even set the stage for it, then decided against it. She had options, but made the decisions that she made. It isn’t healthy to channel regret about what could have been into your kid or into political movements that hadn’t even happened at the time when she made those decisions.

        • OccamsRazer@lemmy.world
          11·
          18 days ago

          She had adoptive parents lined up for him before he was even born, but then decided to keep him. Seems like he would have been better off with parents who wanted him instead of a biological mom who would secretly resent him for everything she thought she should have achieved in life. Did you read the article or just get stuck on the click bait headline?

          • bane_killgrind@slrpnk.netEnglish
            11·
            18 days ago

            Adoption is guaranteeing the kid feels abandoned by their birth mother and having feelings of being unwanted.

    • Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world
      313·
      20 days ago

      Ugh. Stop.

      I mean…you’re not wrong factually, but all of this is wrong, and I’d just love to stop living now.

  • Ensign_Crab@lemmy.worldEnglish
    642·
    19 days ago

    This is what Republicans want. They cannot imagine passing on their genes any other way.

    • cowpattycrusader@thelemmy.clubEnglish
      12·
      19 days ago

      This is absolutely what they want. Force the women into bad positions so they can be more exploitable. Force the children in these situations into bad positions so they can also be more exploitable.

      Although, I am sure they prefer the good ol’ days when they could just rape their slaves.

    • Pacattack57@lemmy.world
      5·
      18 days ago

      I read an article a few days ago that a Republican state argued that they needed to codify abortion bans because their teen pregnancy numbers were dropping.

    • randon31415@lemmy.world
      25·
      18 days ago

      There was a study, which I cannot find anymore despite searching for it on google scholar for a half hour, where they looked at a group of people’s sexual encounters over a month.

      If you expanded ‘rape’ to be under the age of consent, one or more people involve had alcohol, one or more people were clinically ‘drowsy’ or asleep, verbal consent never was obtained, or type of sex act or use/none use of condom were not agreed upon by both parties; the researchers found roughly 50% of all sexual encounters in this group could be classified as rape in one way or another.

      Makes you wonder what percent of the population is conceived via something that is technically rape.

  • 2ugly2live@lemmy.world
    461·
    19 days ago

    How fucked. She told the army and they pretty much threatened to demote her. And when she told the rapist, he ghosted her. No one supported her in getting the abortion, and the adopted parents back out when she was six month. She wanted to work in the space program. That’s so terribly tragic.

    • Ensign_Crab@lemmy.worldEnglish
      12·
      19 days ago

      Let’s say we do. Let’s say Harris wins. In order to even attempt to fix this, Democrats will need to get rid of the filibuster.

      They won’t get rid of the filibuster.

  • vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works
    18·
    20 days ago

    Ya know I have nothing but respect for this woman takes a lot of willpower, probably would’ve killed the kid myself. But this is why im a guy and single, dont want to risk such instincts making me a monster. That and I aint got a uterus.

    • elliot_crane@lemmy.world
      8·
      19 days ago

      Same dude. Younger me would have confidently said something boneheaded like “I’d just drink and smoke until a miscarriage”, older me realizes I don’t have any semblance of capability to understand what must be going through this poor woman’s mind. And then even if she had tried something unorthodox to terminate the pregnancy, these sick fucks probably would have tried to put her in jail for it even though she’s the victim.

      • vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works
        1·
        19 days ago

        Yeah, I didnt even consider that as a full factor. But then again I can confidently say that my kins women wouldnt care enough to even consider it a factor at all, one of them tried to car bomb a man cause “He slapped my ass” luckily the women are not a majority of my kin. But yeah this whole situation existing is fucked, and I am too much of a unga bunga caveman to consider any solution other than the most direct. See problem kill problem, but no thats “immoral” I sometimes wish I was born back when the Kurgans were still new.

  • kandoh@reddthat.com
    14·
    19 days ago

    Imagine being in your golden years and getting a phone call asking if you’d like to see your rape baby grandchild

  • Maggoty@lemmy.world
    5·
    19 days ago

    That sounds about right unfortunately. They’d put her on light duty and send her for mental counseling. That would then be used to prevent promotions or re-enlistment.

  • Reptorian@lemmy.zipEnglish
    41·
    18 days ago

    Even though my mother is part of the Democratic Party, she told me to vote no to limiting government interference for abortion. Guess what, I will vote yes to it.

  • Etterra@lemmy.world
    313·
    18 days ago

    They can’t put it up for adoption? Hell I’m my state you can take your unwanted baby to a church or fire station. Because the alternative is usually horrible. Then you still hear about psychos dumping their infants in dumpsters because they don’t know about it or maybe didn’t live in a state with that law.

    • Entropywins@lemmy.world
      51·
      18 days ago

      That’s your take away…adoption problem solved…

      I have a novel idea take all that empathy for humans that don’t exist yet and apply it to your fellow humans who are already here and need your help