The poor Onion can only tell actual news stories now

It’s for tracking “undesirables”

But first add quotation marks around knows and then it’s fine

Who still has any trust in us outside of other fascists and autocrats?

Good on you Van Hollen actually going to check if he was alive and not leaving until you got it. Now if only all democrats had the fucking balls to step up

I’m just sitting here watching the end of the world

No shit

We all know the worst thing to hear when your underage is mild swears!

Verbal abuse though? That’s fine!

/s obviously

2 might be generous

I’ll miss you free weather reports

Also during tornado season

And in other news fire is hot, house cats are an invasive species, and native grasses are stripped out and replaced foreign grass because it looks greener. More at 11.

And that’s what you get for visiting the white supremacist house

And nothing of value was lost

That’s bonus points, Thatcher is the second target

Might be a bit generous

I don’t live in a blue state sadly, I can’t trust myself with a weapon because I know what would happen if I had one. So for me, I have to consider leaving everything behind just to be safe

Sadly we have to watch this dumpster fire go on while either planning to pick up the pieces once it’s over or you make a run for the border in hopes of saving yourself

I haven’t seen a future for this country for a while now

I ain’t goddamn pointing fingers, just merely highlighting the goddamn difference in the shittiness of the two. Why the fuck can’t you get it through your thick ass skull that I agree on the larger point but though it was a bad move to say we are worse than a nation which has been doing ethnic cleansing and genocide for literal decades?

Not everything is a black and white, agree or disagree. Maybe just maybe there are shades of gray where you can agree but not wholeheartedly agree. You do more damage to your own side by arguing with people who agree with you when you do this.