Thanks! I’m not super enthusiastic about the prospect, but I had a contract gig in Charlotte in late 2018 through mid 2019, so I know I could probably handle RTP. The last time I was in Durham was when I was 15 and attending a camp at Duke, but I remember it being an interesting place.

I didn’t enjoy Charlotte, though the beer was great and its public transit was good compared to the rest of the South. I suspect I didn’t enjoy it because I hated my job, as does just about everyone who works at Charter. But the city was very clean for a city of its size, the people were nice, and it was wonderful to play in a softball league that wasn’t as full of drama as HSL in Atlanta (and I enjoyed playing for that league, but the drama was a bit much). I felt it was a good place for settling down as a couple, just not for being a young and unattached adult.

The political situation in pretty much all of the South gives me pause. Kentucky has its flaws, but at least it has a Democratic governor who’s popular and politically savvy. The latter is important because of the upcoming election. 😬

Good luck with the job application! As someone in a similar position, I can relate.

You gave me a lot to consider and I’ve been reconsidering some of my positions over the past few days. While not ideal, I could probably live in Athens and be okay. It’s close enough to Atlanta to access the tech community there, while being far enough to avoid the stress of the big city and the boredom of the suburbs. It’s also not that far from the Research Triangle and its tech community.

Thinking about it, I realized that I want us to have a life as “us,” meaning that I don’t want to be “${boyfriend_name}'s boyfriend,” nor do I want the reverse to be true. I’ve mentioned this to him in the past, but only in passing. The more I think about it, the more I realize how important this is to me. Ultimately, I want us to work out more than I want to live in a place I’d gladly move to if I were single or dating someone who’s similarly inclined. But it doesn’t help that there’s nothing here that aligns with my (admittedly weird) interests. For instance, I’ve gotten into working out with steel clubs and maces and am getting into kettlebells (but not CrossFit; just looking at the American kb swing makes my shoulders hurt).

And you are so right about the different types of conservatism. Out west, other than the militia and religious nuts, it seems like it’s more of a libertarian “live and let live, just don’t tell me what to do” conservatism, whereas in the South and Midwest, it’s more of a totalitarian “my religion is the One True Way and it compels me to hijack the government’s power to force others to comply.” As I’ve told my partner, given only a choice between a religious conservative Democrat and a libertarian, I’d gladly vote for the latter.

Thanks. That’s the conclusion I’m slowly coming to, as well. I’ve given your words some thought and I think it’s willing to have another conversation when we’re both in a good place mentally and emotionally. He’s been stressed because of the previously impending shutdown, so it probably didn’t help that I brought this up without considering that.

ETA: I think part of this stems from a desire for us to build our own life together rather than us living in a place that only one of us has ties to. This was one of the things I was insecure about in my previous relationship because I moved in with him. So it always felt like his place (his house, his family, his friends, etc) and I had to fit into it rather than us finding our own way. To be fair, that relationship was a bad idea for several reasons (but that’s often the case in one’s 20s), but I think this is a sore spot due to my history of being kicked out as a youth and, for several years, having to live in places where I didn’t have any say in simple things like furniture and decor. I don’t want him to feel like that (which is part of why I’m hesitant about the Atlanta area) and I don’t want to feel like that (which is part of why I wasn’t keen on living here long-term).

Edit 2: Your point about thinking about what we want rather than where we want to live is a better way to frame it. We’ve been so fixated on the places (or rather, our perceptions of some places) rather than considering what it is we want out of a place to live.