You sir/ma’am are a jeanieus

Easy fix. Tie a string between your phone and headphones.

There are emergency exits for a reason. Tuck and roll

The law of wires states that if there is a doorknob for it to be caught on, it will be caught on the doorknob

Climate change? Never heard of it

Username checks out

I guess I’m an octopus then

That don’t sound right

Oof that’s pretty drastic

How many degrees higher than usual on average would you guess?

Did your recent summer feel more humid than usual?

That’s the definition of a piece of shit. They only want to do things if it’s wrong.

I’m only on world because lemm.ee got shut down for whatever reason

That’s pretty funny and if I were in that German subreddit I would probably have migrated out of solidarity

Sounds plausible

Yes but why specifically german? Is the founder german?

Master Yoda?

I doubt the cheaters are ending their relationship over this

Calling your dick by some other dude’s name seems weird. Like naming your dog Michael and not even calling them by any abbreviations.

“Hold on, Michael needs to go outside for a poo”

“Michael, stop cleaning your asshole in front of company”

“Michael, come lick this peanut butter off me”

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