If you REALLY want shenanigans, have them make an int or wis saving throw with DC 2 to remember nobody is up there holding the rope.

Nobody said 8 was better than 10.

When we put the giraffe in there.

Not even 1d4. It’s just 1 + STR, which is standard for an unarmed strike.

I love that joke. There was no chance I’d be able to pay off the joke I set up, but I’m glad someone did, at least.

The brick joke is an absolute classic. The only tragedy is that it’s hard to set up without other people coming in with the payoff before you can.

He’s an Arsenal fan. Asking him not to watch them play is just unrealistic.

I once had a player in my game play a changeling who swapped places with someone, then forgot they were a changeling. So naturally, I had the rest of the party meet the original without her. That was a fun reveal.

I will say, this is slightly hurt by the fact we all said these in the comments of the first joke.

I’m trying to think of which robot dystopia/apocalypse this most closely resembles.

Why would a campaign not need a tabaxi journalist?

(I love when I get to post these joke chains)

How do you get 4 elephants in a mini cooper? -Two in the front, two in the back.

How do you get 2 whales in a mini cooper? -Take the M4 and go over the Severn bridge.

How can you tell there’s an elephant in your fridge? -Footprints in the custard.

How can you tell there’s 2 elephants in your fridge? -You can hear them giggle when the light goes out.

How can you tell there’s 3 elephants in your fridge? -You can’t quite get the door shut.

How can you tell there’s 4 elephants in your fridge? -There’s a mini cooper outside.

I was once explaining a rules lite system I wanted to try to someone, and he kept complaining about how difficult it would be for him to learn a new system. I had to point out that I had already fully explained the rules while we were talking, and we weren’t even talking long.

I think some people just think every system is as complex as D&D.

“That’ll show those poor!”
“Why are you cheering? You’re not rich.”
“True, but someday, I might be. And then people like me had better watch their step!”

Dragon Age quote from Iron Bull: Some high-ranking women wear ornamental crap with tits hammered into it. One good shot, and all that cleavage gets knocked right into the sternum. Real messy. Good on you for going practical. …Leaves something to the imagination, too.

Then use your words and say “dude, stop” or “could you maybe turn it down?” If the DM let it go on and never did anything to stop it, then it’s the DM’s fault it got as far as it did. Just because someone else is a villain in the story doesn’t mean you’re not.

And this is in the hypothetical situation that the bard is the specific strange kind of person who learns of a possible gloryhole in a TTRPG and uses it without question.

All I see is a DM making a castration joke, which is a dick joke but more gruesome, while blaming a player for a situation entirely within the DM’s power to stop by any number of peaceful, less disruptive means. They could have spoken to them, but they chose to cut off their dick.

That only clears the first hurdle. It only lets the player recognise it as a gloryhole. But if you were to give someone a fleshlight in a public place, do you honestly expect them to use it right there? Or to even accept the fleshlight? Same applies with a gloryhole in a ttrpg. Even were they inclined, there are other people there.

And if everyone there is down for it, you’re now the asshole ruining everyone’s fun by putting chili in the fleshlight.

The DM clearly had a fantasy of the bard engaging in some perverted act, then thought of a way to punish the bard for the DM’s fantasies, and is now presenting it before the table and thinking it makes the bard look bad.

I want to point out that the player would need to identify it as a glory hole and not just a peephole or something. They would also need to think it’s a normal thing to find in the world and not something out of place. They would also need to be comfortable enough with the other players to engage in sexual roleplay with a wall. And in this case, you have clearly created a very perverse game world for your players.

The alternative is you just deciding to tell your players “you see a hole in a wall that you think could be a glory hole. …Anything you wanna do about that?” to which most players would either ignore it or check the hole for traps before ignoring it.

In short, I don’t think the problem is the BARD being horny here.

I feel like that campaign is just begging for Lolth to show up and just be like “I see you’ve done… well for yourself. Are you going to introduce me to your new friends or…?”