8 years old, thank God I had the sense to keep it a secret even as a child though! All my friends who knew that early and told somebody ended up in conversion therapy

I once worked in a division of ~3500 employees, every year the division produced two profit forecasts one called “pessimistic” and another called “optimistic”. My first year the division made $335 million MORE than the optimistic forecast so the division CEO approved every employee a $335 bonus.

The next year it happened again but only $285 million, so $285 bonuses that year.

Both times I scoffed and quietly pointed out to the delighted Boomers I trusted that it was less than one third of a percent of the total money.

The next year apparently the corporate office found out, fired said CEO and quashed the bonuses forever. Apparently the distribution of the crumbs was more than they could handle.

When I last visited Argentina Uber was using the official exchange rates which were just fantasy numbers. As soon as you match with a driver they’d message you and you’d negotiate the cash price. Then the ride in the app would be cancelled.

Uber didn’t mind because they were still getting the ~$1 or so cancel fee for basically being a messaging app.

Boeing™ is committed to innovative solutions to problems like opening a cabin door mid flight

I have a friend who can smell cockroaches no joke. We always take her restaurant suggestions very seriously.

And underwear, airplanes, driveways…

Just like his income and assests, when filling out bank loan applications they are huge. When paying taxes they don’t exist!

I’m doing my part!

https://archive.ph/yateC

The Portuguese word for turkey 🦃 is Peru

Saving up paper route money and begging my dad to drive me to CompUSA so I could buy blank CDs.

Look no further than your siblings. Nobody is closer to you in both genetics nor background, yet the differences in perspective and values can be huge. In my family incidents from 20+ years ago are hotly contested even though we were all there nobody can agree on who took what part or what the motives and consequences were.

Man, nobody takes American Express…