WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) - Two days after suspending his campaign for the Republican Presidential nomination, former Vice-President Mike Pence has returned four dollars to his donors.

Speaking to reporters, Pence said that he took pride in the fact that his campaign has been funded exclusively by small contributions.

“The four dollars I received came from nine donors, for an average of forty-four cents a donation,” he said. “No other candidate can say that.”

Pence spent the weekend calling to thank his donors, adding, “Although all of my calls went straight to voice mail, I left my number and I do expect to hear from them when they get a chance.”

Pence’s exit from the race drew a mixed reaction in a new poll, with a majority of Americans unaware that he had been running.