Someone recently told me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I effortlessly make them question their beliefs and feelings. Hearing that didn’t sit well with me, especially since I’ve been pondering the question in the title for quite some time.
I’ve always been quite critical of myself and don’t consider myself a very nice person. When I discover that someone doesn’t enjoy being around me, I don’t blame them one bit. It’s not like I’m intentionally mean or abusive; quite the opposite, actually. I have very strong morals. However, this includes things like not lying, which means I always speak the truth, even if not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t conform to many social norms expected of me.
Despite all of this, I have deep relationships with several people and especially the elderly and for example the parents of my past girlfriends have all liked me a lot. But I can’t help but wonder why they don’t see me as I see myself. I worry that I’m hiding the true me so well that people don’t actually like me, but rather the facade I unknowingly maintain. Then again, a true psychopath probably wouldn’t be second-guessing themselves in this manner.
I’m gonna guess that “Quite the opposite; I have very strong morals. This however icludes things like not lying which means that I always speak the truth and not everyone likes hearing it. I don’t follow many of the social norms expected of me.”
is the reason for this
“A person recently said to me that they sometimes feel gaslighted around me because I so effortlesly make them question their own beliefs and feelings.”
It’s good to remember that most of our society is based on lying, and that most people prefer someone nice, rather than someone honest.
The times that I have to tell someone the uncomfortable truth happens far less often that you’d think. Many of the white lies we tell are completely unecessary.
Hmm, you say they’re unnecessary, and yet you are in a situation where people say they’re uncomfortable around you…
If you don’t bother with white lies and think that goes down okay, then maybe the other person is pretending they’re okay with it when it does actually bother them.
So they’re then telling a white lie of their own to spare your feelings, or just because they want to move on from the subject.