Rose Thorne(She/Her)

This isn’t a cave, it’s an alcove.

I still want one, but have already accepted I’d never be allowed to use it because of cats.

Oh.

Then I’ll try to hit them twice as hard. Gotta correct those poor life decisions.

Oh, I thought it was produced by the creepy kids who hide out in the corn fields. Guess I should maybe stop hitting them with my car as they walk out.

That is somebody’s completely undisguised fetish, and to that person, you do you, but being upfront about your smut sells better.

I want a man who can put me in a death roll.

Who up strokin’ their mole?

“So, when did you first notice this feeling, this emptiness?”

“Well, I was on my first adventure, had the party all together. We’d been on the road for a year when it happened…”

“It?”

“Well, the Paladin and the Warlock were arguing again… I stepped away because I don’t like conflicts like that. The Cleric was standing up with the Paladin, the Rogue was getting ready to just slit all their throats, and then this… This voice from the sky said ‘Rocks fall, everyone arguing dies’. I was the only one left…”

“Ah, yes, well, the basic Adventurers Guild insurance package doesn’t cover Acts of the Elder God, Gee-Em. They get really angry when we try to fix things they did…”

I’m okay with this.

They’re fun and all, but fuck having to wait an hour just to get out of the parking lot of my job because the main road is completely shut down, and another hour because of all the fucking traffic that got held up.

Living in a small town has absolutely killed all joy parades used to bring.

Okay, then make it as catchy as Love Shack, you stupid bird.

And where do they do it most? In your chair, man!